3 Great Gaming Villains Whose Plans Make No Sense

3 Great Gaming Villains Whose Plans Make No Sense

What’s a Batman without his Joker? Same to a riddle without a punchline: unsatisfying.

With no colorful Rogue’s Gallery, Bruce Wayne would just be a billionaire in rubber pajamas hammering the crap out of low-level punks night after night. Entertaining, but not super required. What would young master Link do with no Ganondorf to knock about? Fish and hang-glide, probably? Where would Tupac and Biggie be today without their famed antagonism? Bad example.

The takeaway is, incredible and seducing bad people are at the heart of almost every good adventure story, especially in the realm of video games. A certainly iconic Final Boss can procreate your franchise, and if your baddie is awesome fairly, we’re even willing to overlook things like “logic” and “reality.” Who attends if their scheme obliges “sense? ” As long as by the end of it all we’re shaking with a hard-earned dopamine release while lunging our challenger into space, or fastening them up, or shooting them down, you’ve likely got yourself an frightening devil, a well-defined hero, and a fun game.

So it is in no way to detract from their terrible bequests that we lovingly profile the gaping punctures in the maniacal machinations of these three ominou psychopaths.

Liquid Snake | Metal Gear Solid Sure, hey, get comfy, pop that top off, whatever's good. Sure, hey, get cozy, dad that top off, whatever’s good .[/ caption]

As is revealed in Metal Gear Solid, both Liquid and Solid are clones of the notorious Big Boss, the greatest soldier of the 20 th century and famed cardboard box innovator. Liquid inherited all of Boss’ recessive genes, while Solid got the dominant ones. Liquid has felt “less than” his whole life as a result, despite heading a ensemble of child soldiers and becoming the youngest person ever to serve in the British Special Air Service. He hates his clone-daddy for spawning him, dislikes his clone-bro for killing Big Boss before he got a chance to, and would do anything to prove his worth to his dead dad and the whole Snake Family at large.

Which is odd, because that’s not how genes labour. In actuality, reigning genes aren’t inherently “better” or “worse” than recessive genes; they’re exactly the genes more likely to manifest. The gene for Healing Factor could be recessive, while the gene for Adult Onset Diabetes could be dominant. In fact, Liquid Snake is ultimately found to have the “best fighting genes of all” between himself, Solid, Solidus and Big Boss. “Fighting genes” too not being a real thing. Although genes are indeed the blueprint for life, that doesn’t compile them a Dragonball-style Power Level dictating whose genes would earn in a fight.

All of which is information you’d remember Liquid would know, given the fact that his plan for world-wide tyranny involves genes, cloning, genetic manipulation, DN-Ahoused superviruses, and mimicked soldiers. Even if Big Boss said he was inferior as a kid, he should have figured out it was a lie by this time in his life. News flash: if you’re going to mutate a clone military to do your entreat, you’ll need to know what an allele is and why chocolate-brown “hairs-breadth” is more common than blonde hair.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik | Sonic Adventure Honestly, if he could just harness the power of that 'stache... Honestly, if he could just harness the dominance of that ‘stache …[/ caption]

Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik’s goal throughout the new-canon Sonic games is to found a robot utopia by any means necessary…those implies inevitably involving recovering the Chaos Emeralds so he can harness their energies to superpower a series of ur-devices and super-weapons. Unfortunately for Ivo, the supernatural batteries he misses almost always seem to be immersed right around where Sonic’s chillin’, and Sonic doesn’t take kindly to you ending his chillin’ by roboticizing all his furry homies. But what about that Death Egg? You know, the Eggman’s-face-shaped Death Star that’s not to be confused with the Space Colony ARK, which is the HALF-Death Star influenced like the face of Eggman’s grandpa Gerald.

Without getting too deep into the history of the Robotnik line, let’s just say that the Death Egg appears in a multitude of Sonic games, and surely closeds down, disintegrates to Earth, or otherwise fails when Dr. Robotnik can’t get the Chaos Emeralds together and Sonic or an associate wrecks up the place. It’s readily the dimensions of the a mountain, and potentially the size of a small moon or large-scale asteroid. It’s also fitted with incredible robotic engineerings, and in Sonic Battle we catch out it has a Final Egg Blaster weapon that’s capable of wiping out whole star clusters even without the Emeralds to accuse it up.

So what’s he just wait? Instead of perpetually alienating a hedgehog who tends to hang out on one particular tropical island, perhaps he should go live in the orbiting robot utopia he’s ALREADY BUILT. Take your bullet and go home, Ivo! You did it! Go build as many robots as you want on your massive robo-moon that looks like your head! In the wise names of Emerl the Gizoid in Sonic Battle: “If you’re smart-alecky enough to build a huge battleship like this I’m sure you can find other things to do.”

The Forerunners | Halo: Combat Evolved

[ caption id= “attachment_2 299053 ” align= “aligncenter” width= “7 20 “] Time was your ally, human. But now it has abandoned you. Time was your ally, human. But now it has abandoned you .[/ caption]

Before there were Ghosts making sure we never died no matter what, there was a Forerunner Monitor reputation 343 Guilty Spark, constructing sure of the opposite. Obviously the Covenant and Flood are the true criminals of the Halo storyline, but I think a good deal of us felt pretty betrayed in Combat Evolved when 343 calmly and abruptly tried to get us to mop all sentient life from the galaxy. No wonder you’re guilty, 343! We woke you up and acquainted you to our virtual lover and now you’re gonna blow up the quadrant? Punk move.

But a move that starts feel, since 343 Guilty Spark was left behind by The Forerunners, the ancient scoot who improved the Halos in an attempt to keep the galaxy free of the insidious Flood , no matter how many times they return. What induces somewhat less sense is WHY the Forerunners did that, from their own perspective. Now, Halo is fraught with lore, but bear with me as I separate my consciousness into two halves and cavity them against one another.

We’ll call them “RED” and “BLUE, ” for obvious reasons.

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RED: So…if you’re The Forerunners, and you build a complex of superweapons, shielded macrocosms, and containment orbits for studying The Flood, then decided they were such a threat that the only choice was to wipe out all intelligent sentient life in the galaxy, why leave a few Flood contained safely ON the Halo? It’s like burning your eatery down for the insurance money with the insurance policy still inside.

BLUE: Whoa, slow down Red! I already dislike you, and here’s why: The Precursor impeded a few Flood in containment in the hopes that someday a great thinker might find the best way to subjugate or destroy them without resetting the galaxy. It’s out of hope for the future.

RED: But why would you need to discover a “safe” way to wipe out The Flood if the Halo Complex can wipe out ALL The Flood by starving them of their food informant? If I cleared all food out of my house and waited in a space-ark outside until the many rats that infest my walls died of starvation, I wouldn’t keep one rat alive as a domesticated to learn more about rats. It’s moot! Strangle that one rat and you’re done dealing with this.

BLUE: Because The Flood are insidious, you moron. If you missed even one minuscule settlement of Flood in the whole galaxy, when you tried to re-populate it you’d eventually end up re-Flooded and you bet your ass you’ll wish you had more data on those suckers when the time comes.

RED: But if they’re such an unstoppable threat, why only admit entities deemed to be Reclaimers to fire the Halos? Why not cause 343 Guilty Spark fervor that thing all by himself? No need to convince Master Chief , no need to explain, exactly an immortal AI standing ready to do what needs to be done whenever it needs to be done.

BLUE: Because, you insufferable asshat, AIs are fallible. They scrapped over occasion and give way to rampancy and other inaccuracies. The ancient hasten called the Precursors, who entrust humans the Mantle of Responsibility of helping for lesser life-forms, and the Forerunners who wiretap it, killed the Precursors and devolved humanity, are at least all mortal beings who have some skin in the game and might think twice before wiping out all complex life in the whole galaxy. It’s the same reason we improve nukes but by and large try not to drop them if we were able eschewed it, and don’t cause a computer decide when to launch.

RED: But not only would they think twice, almost any sentient being would never pull the trigger. Why build a super-duper-mega-weapon and trust the decision of whether to fire it to organic life structures? You know, their imaginations can scrap extremely. It’s called “emotion” and “mental illness, ” and I feel like we’re exhibiting both right now.

BLUE: Calmer’n you are.

RED: Some would argue that an AI, nonetheless flawed, that’s able to maintain a space station as well as its own consciousness for a hundred thousand years, has experience simulating trillions of firings of the Halo, and was once a living, organic human mentioned Chakas before his consciousness was transferred into a Monitor body and his collects of information augmented tremendously, might actually be MORE TRUSTWORTHY than a meager person whose fallible meat-brain is under intense stress and forcing them to realize embroiling galactic decisions moment-by-moment. And if you are able to made peoples’ feelings into little hover bots like 343 Guilty Spark, why didn’t the Forerunners just do that to their whole species before provoking the Halo? Since it simply alters organic life, you’d all be immortal robots and your adversaries would all be dead and unable to eat you anymore.

BLUE: Then they’d all be AIs and wouldn’t have been able to trigger it! AIs can’t trigger the Halo. They aren’t Reclaimers, because they’re not a human “reclaiming” the Mantle from the Forerunners. That’s why the word is “Reclaimer.” That’s just the way it is.

RED: But simply because The Precursors chose to make it that way. They could have given the Mantle to multiple categories, but they picked a favorite and precipitated a galactic civil fight. Then in a last-ditch is trying to not get genocided they turned into space dust that eventually became infected and turned into The Flood. That’s why The Flood can access Precursor Tech. One of The Flood Graveminds even says it kind of considers itself still a Precursor, and “won’t cause their starts rise up against them again.” I symbolize, for a God-like race they seemed to have lost a lot. I belief the Mantle is just a code of creeds they founded , not something with objective reality. Like the Constitution!

BLUE: First of all, the form of the Mantle The Forerunners practice is very different than the original organization of faiths founded by The Precursors. They rewrote it to justify their thrashing of The Precursors and try to maintain an endless galactic hegemony.

RED: Which connotes the Mantle is something that can change over time.

BLUE: SHUT IT! AND, although the Precursors WERE formerly simply an immigrant hasten, you have to understand that they became so boosted that we can’t even assimilate the level at which they were able warp world. Like Arthur C Clarke said, “any technology, sufficiently advanced, is indistinguishable from magic.”

RED: Especially fidget spinners.

BLUE: So in a very real way, YES, the Mantle has to go to humanity because The Precursors said so. They get to say so. Them and The Forerunner are out here evolving and devolving part genus! Precursors were basically Idol, from our point of view, and The Predecessor are messing with the natural order they place down by perverting the Mantle to suit their own species’ intents.

RED: According to Precursor and Forerunner mythology, but that’s likewise fallible. We see throughout the series that all of these hastens are susceptible to in-fighting and inconsistencies. After all, if Precursors certainly had the ability to warp the fabric of reality, you’d think they’d have made some rules like “No existential threat to the galaxy will ever come to exist, and likewise free ice cream for everybody.” The fact that they couldn’t create a galactic Utopia with a snap of their Lovecraftian tentacles suggests they were, although incredibly boosted, just super cool aliens. Hell, they got killed off by The Forerunners; how omnipotent could they have been? They were limited as opposed to infinite, and it’s hence POSSIBLE for them to have had a bad idea. For all we know, the Halo Complex was a bad project on their duty, and we are currently all act like it performs gumption as a response to The Flood precisely because it’s been swimming out there for a really really long time and old-time nonsense must be true, right? The archaics must be right about everything, right? Because they’re age-old and all dead bad guys?

BLUE: So what are you saying, you detest Halo? You visualize I’m stupid because I like Halo?

RED: No, I precisely —

BLUE: F *** you! F *** you dude!

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Wow, that got out of hand. Do you have any favorite villains whose programs come apart if you think about’ em for too long? Or do you simply disagree with my explain of Halo lore? If so, then by definition you agree with the other version of me, so ha! Either way, give us know what you thought down in specific comments, and for behavior too much unpacking of all things gaming, keep it dialed to IGN!

Michael Swaim is Manager of Video Programming for IGN. You be going along with him on Twitter.

Read more: ign.com

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